Okay, let’s talk about something that pretty much everyone experiences but nobody really likes talking about: rejection. Ugh, even the word feels a bit heavy, doesn’t it?
So, funny story (well, maybe not ha-ha funny, but relevant funny), I was reminded of this lovely topic just the other day. I’d poured a ton of energy into drafting this event proposal for work. I mean, I was genuinely excited about it – thought it was creative, hit all the right points, the whole shebang. Sent it off to my team leader, feeling pretty good… only to get it handed back with a polite but firm “Thanks, but we’re going in a different direction.”
Ouch.
My first reaction? Pure, unadulterated bummer. My stomach did that little flip-flop thing, my shoulders slumped. For a hot minute, I definitely wallowed. Thoughts like “Was it a terrible idea?” or “Maybe I didn’t explain it well enough?” started doing laps in my head. It’s easy to slide down that slippery slope into self-doubt, isn’t it?
But then, after letting myself feel a bit sorry for myself (which, honestly, I think is kinda necessary sometimes – just don’t set up camp there!), I decided I needed to switch gears. Stewing wasn’t going to change the outcome, and it certainly wasn’t making me feel any better. I forced myself to take a step back.
This whole experience got me thinking – rejection isn’t just about work proposals. It’s everywhere. It’s the job you didn’t get, the creative project that didn’t land, the person who wasn’t interested, the team you didn’t make. It’s a universal part of putting yourself out there. If you never face rejection, you’re probably playing it way too safe.
So, how do we actually deal with it without letting it derail us completely? I’m no guru, but here’s what I’ve learned works for me, especially after this recent reminder:
Feel the Feels (But Don’t Live There): Seriously, it’s okay to be disappointed, frustrated, sad, or even a bit angry. Ignoring those feelings is like trying to hold a beach ball underwater – eventually, it’s gonna pop up, probably at an inconvenient moment. Acknowledge it. Vent to a friend, journal about it, listen to some angsty music, whatever helps you process. Just give yourself a time limit. Don’t let a temporary setback become a permanent mood.
Don’t Take it Super Personally (Easier Said Than Done, I Know): My proposal wasn’t rejected because I suck. It was rejected because it didn’t fit the team’s current direction or priorities. Maybe they had budget constraints I didn’t know about, or a different strategic goal in mind. Often, rejection is less about your inherent worth or talent and more about fit, timing, or circumstances beyond your control. Try to separate the outcome from your identity. You are not your rejection.
Look for the Lesson (If There Is One): Sometimes, rejection comes with valuable feedback. In my case, I could ask my team leader for specific reasons why the proposal wasn’t accepted. Maybe there are things I could improve for next time – perhaps my budget was unrealistic, or the concept needed more research. Not all rejection comes with a neat little explanation, but when it does (or when you can politely ask for one), treat it like free intel for future success. If there’s no clear lesson? Maybe the lesson is just practicing resilience.
Reframe City, Population: You: Instead of thinking “I failed,” try “This wasn’t the right fit” or “This is a detour, not a dead end.” It sounds a bit cliché, but shifting your perspective can honestly change how you feel. Maybe this rejection frees you up to pursue something even better? Maybe it protects you from a path that wasn’t actually right for you? That ’no’ might just be redirecting you toward a more aligned ‘yes’.
Remember Your Wins: Rejection can temporarily blind us to everything else we’ve accomplished. When you’re feeling low after a ’no’, consciously remind yourself of times you did succeed. Think about past projects that went well, compliments you’ve received, skills you’ve mastered. Keep a “win file” if you need to – emails, notes, whatever reminds you that you are capable and have value.
Focus on What You Can Control: You can’t control the hiring manager’s decision, the editor’s taste, or your team leader’s strategic priorities. But you can control your effort, your attitude, how you react, and what you do next. Pour your energy into those things. Polish your resume, start a new creative project, refine your next proposal based on feedback. Action is a great antidote to feeling helpless.
Dust Yourself Off and Try Again (When You’re Ready): Resilience isn’t about never falling; it’s about getting back up. Every single person who has achieved anything worthwhile has faced rejection – probably lots of it. Think of J.K. Rowling getting rejected by publishers, or inventors whose early prototypes failed miserably. Rejection is often just a stepping stone. Don’t let it be the end of the road.
So yeah, my event idea didn’t fly this time. It stung. But working through it reminded me that handling rejection is a skill – one that gets stronger with practice (unfortunately!). It’s not about developing a thick skin so nothing ever hurts; it’s about learning how to process the hurt, learn from it, and keep moving forward without letting it crush your spirit or your willingness to put yourself back out there.
Because ultimately, the risk of rejection is the price of admission for a life where you actually try for the things you want. And I think that’s always a price worth paying. What about you? How do you cope when life throws you a curveball?